Just like gardens require cultivation to blossom, our lives require purposeful, holistic care to function optimally. Pull out the weeds and plants will flourish. Get rid of those negative emotions and free yourself to begin to truly blossom.
This is a 4-part blog and Part 2, which is covered here, is on Emotions that suck up our energies. Part 3 will discuss Cultures that frustrate our purposes while part 4 will cover lifestyles that derail our progress. Click here to access Part 1 which discussed pulling out the weed of unhealthy Mindsets that hold us back.
Part 2: Emotions that suck up our energy
When others who are supposed to help you could help but decide to skip, it hurts!
When you start feeling the effects of carrying the whole load all by yourself – while those who are supposed to share the weight, go scot free, – it is natural to resent them.
When they don’t acknowledge your pain, and even use it to mock and call you incapable, bitterness and anger can set in.
… And when they innocently or cunningly narrate their progress, – progress they have made due to the freedom and the extra time they have that you don’t, – it can make you envious, jealous, angrier and helpless. – Janepher Otieno
It is tempting to compare your perceived enslavement with their unwarranted freedom. But, the more you do that, the worse you feel and the more it can consume you, drag you down and set you back. The only person you truly have control over is you. It is never the other person. Therefore, the only person you can change is you. The sooner you begin to change ‘you,’ the sooner your world will begin to improve and move closer to what you want.
Emotions are the personal status of our feelings. They are a feedback on our position vis a vis our interactivity with others’ as well as with our internal and external environments. They come in differing strengths and depths – positive and negative.
There are many emotions that can affect us as human beings. Those that commonly plague inadequately supported single parents and caregivers include: anger, resentfulness, un-forgiveness, bitterness, fear, irrational thinking, guilt, self-pity, helplessness, unfinished grief-work, and the like.
While it is natural to feel and rationalize your negative emotions, brooding over your misfortunes for an extended period will intensify your negative emotions.
If you do not find a way out of this trap, you could become a marinade of your emotions, a disastrous recipe for your health and a sure enemy to your effectiveness as a caregiver. Because of the heavy burden of parenting or caregiving, you do not need additional baggage in the name of negative emotions. Carrying both loads will make it harder for you to focus. You will find yourself making wrong decisions as you become weary and unfocused, not to mention possible physical or mental illness that this can cause.
Ways to prevent emotions from consuming you
1. Allow Yourself to Grieve
Grieving does not become necessary only when a loved one dies. Anything that frustrates you may require some pause and reflection – frustration being the gap between your desired outcome and the reality you find yourself with.
A level of grief-work, commensurate with a specific frustration, is necessary for one to be able to function well.
First acknowledge what has happened to you,
1.Feel the related emotion or emotions,
2.Grieve your lose or pain all the way through,
3.Commit to offloading the destructive emotions.
4.Offload the emotions
5.Then move on.
**Remember to be easy on your wounded self as you grieve.**
2. Gift Yourself with Forgiveness
To create your goals and run with speed towards those goals, you really must offload the heavy emotional baggage. Yes, it is difficult but, yes, it is doable. In the end, you will be better, rather than bitter. Forgiveness does not mean condoning a behavior. It means earning the freedom to travel light. It means applying wisdom to preserve your energy… for where it is needed… for greater effectiveness.
The more you know how badly those negative emotions are dragging you down, the easier it will be to release the grudge, the pain, and the unforgiveness. Max Lucado’s illustrates this point really well when he says:
“Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner.” Wouldn’t you want to release yourself from that prison? You Bet! And when you do, you free yourself and lighten your load. You can then run with speed, with dignity and with a freed spirit. You come to realize it’s for your own good, the good of those you care for and… yes, even for the good of the very people who wronged you.
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And … No, you wouldn’t want to miss my Next Blog Post, would you?
Of course not! Before moving on to part 3 of the blossom series, let’s first explore Forgiveness and Freedom to Move on in my next blog post. Let’s plant something viable and strong as we weed out bad stuff. Lets plant Forgiveness. To your success and True Happiness….