In this two-part series the benefits of Tri-Wisdoming and practical Tri-wisdom strategies are shared. The post you are reading is #2 in a 2-part series. Come with me to discover three different tri-wisdoms you could use to simplify your life.
In part 1 of this series, the definition of Tri-wisdom and rationale for using Tri-Wisdom concepts were given, including an ABC Tri-Wisdom example as used in the raising of kids.
Tri-Wisdom Example #2
The SSC Concept: A Tri-Wisdom cure for Unreasonable Expectations
The SSC Tri-Wisdom concept stands for: Start, Stop & Continue
When unreasonable expectations are placed on us by others, it can become draining and annoying. Not having the capacity to fulfil all the expectations, it can make us feel trapped. An example is when siblings expect their older or wealthier siblings to help them continually, as is common in some cultures. Woe to whoever pierces the poverty veil in such cultures. He/she soon finds himself or herself carrying the burdens of a whole community – perpetually.
Should that be you, siblings and other relatives may squeeze the very life out of you unless you learn to say ‘no,’ and unless you are willing to live with the consequences of saying ‘no’. Consequences such as hatred, gossip, being ostracized, and general ill-will towards you.
But what if you could Tri-Wisdom this issue earlier rather than later? What if you decided to
- Start creating a win-win solution?
- Stop enabling those who are overloading you with expectations?
- Continue/Commit to safe-guard your sanity and capacity for the greater good?
Of course, they would probably hate you for that but, what if you then ABC’d that by Appreciating where that’s coming from, Belonging (standing in your truth about the situation and what would happen if a solution is not applied) and Committing to protect yourself first so as to remain in a strong, helpful position, no matter what?
A story is told of a couple who did not want the extra burden of raising a large family. In a culture where the norm was to have four to six kids, this couple decided to have just two, a number they could manage to successfully raise. As their two kids were growing up alongside the other kids, their friends and relatives constantly sought financial and other help from them, claiming that the couple did not have as much of a burden to carry. In the beginning, the couple helped those in dire need, paying their kids’ school fees, providing meals, paying hospital bills where needed…
With time, the couple was overwhelmed with never-ending pleas for aid from the increasingly dependent relatives. They realized they were carrying a bigger burden than they would have, had they had their own larger family. Tired of the abuse, they pretended to no longer have any money they could give away. They even ‘window dressed their appearances’ to match that of poor people, learnt to say ‘no’ and prepared to live with the consequences. Unfortunately, they had lost most of their fortune by now, and everyone hated them, called them liars, the ‘proud rich’ …. They even got robbed of whatever little they had. Naturally, this couple became bitter, blaming their woes on the village.
In my life, I have learned that the sooner we solve such issues, the better for all. After all, you will have enemies whether you say ‘no’ now or say it later. If the process is tri-wisdomed, you’re off to a better start as triwisdoming will simplify the steps for you – steps you can more easily commit to.
Q. What would you do under the circumstances of this scenario? Please feel free to Tri-wisdom your approach below. A tri-wisdom lab is currently under construction and I will let you know once it is up and running.
Tri-Wisdom Example #3
The DIC Concept: A Tri-Wisdom Solution to a Communication issue
DIC Stands for Description, Interpretation, & Clarification
Also known as Perception checking, this is a communication strategy used to help get clarification when a party is unsure how to interpret an occurrence or behavior.
What if? Scenario:
What if you recently noticed that your best friend is talking very positively about your ex-wife? Although you don’t suspect that he’s ‘seeing’ her, you are unsure why the sudden warmth towards her. So what do you do? You can Tri-Wisdom the issue with the DIC concept. Start by thinking through what you have observed and decide on possible interpretations for that observation. If your friend is important to you and you desire to keep your relationship, communicate effectively through sensible perception checking:
Describe what your friend said and his warmth towards your ex-wife. Be objective and say only what he said. You could also objectively describe his body language when he was saying it.
I: Interpretation: Provide your two possible interpretations of his behavior. It could be an innocent warmth coming out of pity for her, or he could be flirting with her, knowingly or unknowingly.
Request him to clarify his behavior and to respond to your interpretations. It is entirely possible that he will say something not included in your above interpretations. He may even be defensive, but it will give you some pointers to what is happening. You can then follow up appropriately.
Personally, I have learned that watching my own words, my body language and tone of voice, calms down the other person and reduces defensiveness thereby creating a more amicable conversation. I go into perception checking with the attitude of empathy for the other person but I do not allow myself to appear as if condoning a bothersome behavior. My focus is on clarifying the unpleasant observations.
The sooner you perception check, the sooner you will be able to offload yourself of the burden and free the parties involved before the situation escalates to something bigger or worse. And if the process is tri-wisdomed, you’re off to a better start as triwisdoming will simplify the steps for you – steps you can more easily commit to.
What would you personally do under the circumstances of this scenario? Please feel free to Tri-wisdom your approach below.
Bonus Tri-Wisdom Example: #4
The PCP Concept: A Tri-Wisdom strategy for effective critique
PCP stands for Praise, Critique, Praise
PCP is a Sandwich solution. When you feel uncomfortable and awkward critiquing someone you care about, it will be more palatable to the individual if you searched for two good things about him/her and sandwiched the critique item between two positives. That person will feel that you care, feel good about the good things you said about him/her and will be more likely to take in the correction. The PCP concept will create friends rather than enemies. It will be a win-win situation and, your desired results will be achieved! The Tri-Wisdom Effect!
Q. Have you ever sandwiched a critique? If so feel free to share what you did below and the outcomes you got. If you never have, feel free to Tri-wisdom your approach for a future critique below.
Like a ship residing on a massive water body that could sink it, so do we journey through problems that could overwhelm us in the course of our lives. A ship remains afloat so long as water doesn’t find a way to start and continue sipping in. The moment water finds its way in, the ship will soon be on its way down as the weight of that water begins to overwhelm it. The same can happen to us. If we allowed the pain arising from the many issues of life to get to us, we begin to sink under its pressure. Learning to say no early enough, resolving issues wisely and critiquing with heart could save your life. Try that wisdom.
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And…You wouldn’t want to miss my Next Blog Post, would you?
Here, I will start a new 4-part series namely “Want to blossom?” Stay tuned for this exciting series.